101 Things a Man Should Not Do After 30 Years Old
1 Eat Niknaks. And then suck the yellow stuff off your fingers afterwards.
2 Use the term "awesomeness".
3 Wear sneakers with a tuxedo.
4 Read and quote from Paulo Coehlo.
5 Own a Velcro wallet.
6 Have a mohawk.
7 Do the rock salute at any time.
8 Take artsy self-portraits of himself and post them on Facebook.
9 Play air guitar (especially with a tennis racquet).
10 Drink Oros.
11 Pour water on a friend to wake them up.
12 Not know exactly where his passport/ID book is kept.
13 Spray deodorant all over himself instead of having a shower.
14 Wear jewellery with skulls on it.
15 Struggle to parallel park.
16 Show the peace sign in photographs.
17 Wear shorts to work.
18 Shave his legs (unless he's a professional cyclist).
19 Drink cheap whisky and smoke cherry cigars.
20 Have fuzzy dice hanging ironically from his rear-view mirror.
21 Use the term "that's so unfair".
22 Get jealous if another man looks at the woman he's with.
23 Drink beer through a funnel.
24 Be told by neighbours that his music is too loud.
25 Wear tanga briefs.
26 Have a name for his penis.
27 Own a porn magazine or DVD.
28 Perform wheel spins at traffic lights.
29 Vomit from drinking too much.
30 Actually sit down to eat at a fast-food joint.
31 Play fussball.
32 Have rude nicknames for his friends.
33 Tell stories about hilarious things that happened at "varsity".
34 Know the names of more than one popular FHM model and get excited when the new Sports Illustrated Swimwear edition comes out.
35 Be told by his girlfriend that it's time to wash his sheets.
36 Make owl sounds when the lights dim in the cinema.
37 Record a movie on his PVR just so he can fast forward to the sex scenes.
38 On that note, get excessively thrilled by the love scene between Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis in The Black Swan(As in: "Dude, that is, like, totally hot ...").
39 Blow a condom up like a balloon.
40 Feel compelled to make a random remark when in an elevator with a stranger.
41 Use a pick-up line.
42 Keep a book of jokes on top of his toilet cistern.
43 Phone his dad to ask for directions.
44 Moan about somewhere being "too far" to walk to.
45 Own a coffee table made from a Formula One tyre.
46 Run up an escalator that's going in the opposite direction to show off his athletic prowess.
47 Wear a watermelon helmet at the cricket.
48 Google the names of ex-girlfriends.
49 Pump his arms and shout "Yes!" when he receives good news or accomplishes something.
50 Join a crowd of people who are having free T-shirts or other items thrown at them and actually jump up to grab one.
51 Use the word party as a verb.
52 Shots.
53 Body shots.
54 Jell-O shots. Especially Jell-O shots.
55 Read a book with the words Zen and the Art of in the title.
56 Do impressions of Austin Powers characters, especially Dr. Evil.
57 Crash on a friend's floor or couch.
58 Refer to breasts as "chesticles."
59 Experiment with facial hair.
60 Let your underpants show above your jeans or below your shorts.
61 Apply paint to your face for any reason at all.
62 Own beer-drinking paraphernalia.
63 Own a skull bong.
64 Know the names of the current Real World cast.
65 Remove your shirt in public?unless there is sand and a large body of water nearby.
66 Use the word dude, except when referring to a ranch or a well-dressed Englishman.
67 Use the word dawg in a sentence when referring to a friend or, worse, yourself.
68 Own a futon.
69 Own a beanbag chair.
70 Hang art framelessly.
71 Hang tapestries.
72 Drink malternative beverages.
73 Don a puka-bead necklace.
74 Google ex-girlfriends.
75 Break up with a girlfriend by e-mail.
76 Engage in pranks involving airborne food.
77 Own a Lava lamp.
78 Pool hop.
79 Live with someone you don't sleep with.
80 Share a hotel room with someone you don't sleep with.
81 Play fantasy sports.
82 Divide a restaurant bill with a friend in any way other than 50-50.
83 Sleep past 10:30.
84 Refer to a woman's genitalia as her "nappy dugout."
85 Cook exclusively on a George Foreman grill.
86 Wear a jersey with the name of a professional athlete on the back.
87 Employ any other pickup line besides "Hi, my name is _____. What's yours?"
88 Listen to Pink Floyd.
89 Use Internet acronyms, especially ROFL and LOL.
90 Shave any part of your body except your face.
91 Enjoy Jerry Bruckheimer movies.
92 Run with the bulls in Pamplona.
93 Attend Mardi Gras, Carnaval, or Burning Man.
94 Own a fish tank.
95 Fall asleep in public.
96 Call drugs by their street names (e.g., junk, smack, or whitebag).
97 Pick a fistfight by thrusting out your neck, flexing, and screaming, "It's go time!"
98 Own beer-drinking paraphernalia.
99 Ask friends to help you move.
100 Help friends move.
101 Ask friends to help you move.
