Places You Should Never Pull Out Your Phone

Places You Should Never Pull Out Your Phone

 Ever see a man make a phone call from a public telephone in a New York City subway? Well, I'll tell you something about that phone: I wouldn't touch it. And I'll tell you something about that man: He's someone who needs to make a phone call, a guy whose message had better get above ground before he does.

And I'll tell you something else: I like his style. He's loose, dynamic, in tune with his environment, not relying on his iPhone to get him through the day. Now, I'm not against smartphones. Hell, the inexorable march toward extinction at the hands of robots is a fact -- like the sun coming up tomorrow -- but that doesn't mean we can't all have some manners.

Here are 10 places where pulling out a smartphone makes you look like a tool.
No.10 During a haircut

My barber and I have a relationship that goes back years. It's built on casual conversation, comfortable periods of silence and respect. He's not some schmuck at Supercuts; he's the guy I trust to keep me looking sharp so I have an edge over all the other guppies out there. In other words, I'm not going to sit there playing Angry Birds while he cuts my hair. Need another reason to wait to text until you’re out of the red chair? Here are three: razors, scissors, clippers.

No.9 On the can 

 I'd think fumbling with your thing is work enough for a session on the can, but I know guys who check their e-mail or have a conversation middump. There are so many problems with this, I don't know where to begin. First of all, you can only play fast and loose with that mobile device for so long before it ends up in the bowl. Second, we call it a throne because we're there to relax and be king, not to check Twitter (but if you've got to check Twitter, do it in private, please). And, of course, the biggest breach of decency here is also a violation of the most ancient of bathroom rules: reading material that enters the stall shall never the stall leave. Have some self-respect.

No.8 During takeoff

We all know the scene: catching a red-eye to Mexico City to patch things up with an ex, waiting for the Tylenol PM and Canadian Club to jibe, and the guy next to you insists on diddling his G4 while the plane is taking off. Now, God help us if text messaging can interfere with a Boeing -- maybe an Airbus -- but what's this guy trying to prove? A man knows when to play by the rules and when to break them, and breaking petty rules is what kids do.

No.7 At the checkout

Here's a bit of advice: Order your morning coffee while you're checking the BlackBerry, and you'll never be welcome in that cafe again. That barista spends eight hours a day trading in brief interactions with customers, and you better believe he remembers the ones who prefer screens to people.

Same story at any other checkout. Pay attention to the situation at hand, and you'll be a more respectable man for it.

No.6 During an awkward silence
Who can pinpoint the exact date after which natural breaks in conversations became awkward silences? But it happened. Now every time there's a lull in conversation, some guppy tries to fill it like he's caulking a seam. The worst thing a guy can do when conversation lapses is to bring out his phone to keep himself busy. This is the rough equivalent of Maverick disengaging during the final scene of Top Gun. Stay engaged, stay with your wingman and bring that conversation back to life the old-fashioned way.


No.5 At dinner

Once, during the Lebanese civil war, I broke bread with the Druze militia. The table was covered in guns, shell casings, hummus -- the whole bit. Now this was the '80s, so we didn't all have our own phones, but I can tell you this: When the chips are down -- when any meal can be your last -- you'd better enjoy the company you're with and the food on your plate, not reply to some e-mail about slides 10-15 in the PowerPoint presentation that you were cc’d on. Smartphones have no place at the dinner table, whoever the company.
No.4 Camping in the woods
You're out for a multiday camping trip with your buddy and a couple of gals. You've got the tent, the stove and the eggs in a thermos for the surprise omelet. But you brought your phone instead of a map and compass. It's the battle of man vs. nature, and you just lost.

No.3 At the wheel 
We've all done some unsavory things behind the wheel, but they've been part of a greater life narrative that makes us who we are today. Eating Sonic because it was a road trip, doing the thing with the girl because it was awesome, throwing eggs on Halloween. But at no time does taking your eyes off the road to check your Facebook make for a good story, so get a manual transmission like a real man, and put your phone away.
No.2 At any type of performance
You look at your phone more than any other person on a daily basis. This is your most intimate relationship. With your phone. You go to a gallery opening or a concert, and you take out your phone -- just to check on it. You're dating your phone. Wuss.

No.1 On a date
We all knew this was coming. The soft dumb glow of a smartphone on your face is a dating equivalent of a red dot. Boom. Date's over. And don't think that when your date goes to the bathroom you can sneak a look at your e-mail; you'll get hooked, and she'll catch you, slack-jawed and tweeting, from across the dimly lit restaurant. If she's worth her salt, she'll skip dessert and never see you again. If you have an important call, excuse yourself and go someplace quiet. If you're waiting on an important e-mail... Oops, there's no such thing, so get your priorities straight.