The TOP 10 Blonde Jokes
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
1. A blonde was sitting in class when the professor asked her if she
knew what the Roe vs Wade decision was.
She sat there for quite a while pondering this very profound
question and finally said,
"I think that is the decision George Washington made prior to
crossing the Delaware."
2. A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she
decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the
country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a
flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have
a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked
like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog
back?"
3. How does a guy know hes dating a real blond?
She complains the green W&Ws aren't as good as the brown ones.
" M & Ms upside down."
4. Two blondes were on a long flight. At one point the captain
announces: "Please don't panic anyone. We just lost 1 engine but
we have three others so we should get there about half an hour
later. It won't cause any trouble."
After a while the captain announces: "We have lost a second
engine, it may take an hour more but we'll get there. We aren't
in any kind of danger".
One of the blondes starts getting all agitated and anguished. 'Oh
my, she says, I hope they won't lose the remaining engines, we'll
be up here all day!'
5. A blonde is driving down the road and sees another blond sitting
in a canoe out in the middle of a cornfield.
She stops the car, gets out and walks to the edge of the field
and yells...."What the hell are you doing?...It's blondes like
you that give the rest of us a bad name...if I could swim I'd
come out there and kick your ass!!"
6. There is a blonde a redhead and a brunette in the first grade.
Which one has the cutest bu**???
Well the blonde of course..... she's 18.
7. A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan
officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks
and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security
for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes
Benz SL 500.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the
title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the
car collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at
the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a
$5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the
bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later,
the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which
comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your
business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we
are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and
found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my
Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when
I return?"
Finally... a smart blonde joke.
8. Three pregant women - a blonde a brunette and a red head are
waiting in the obstetricians office and they start talking about
what they expect there baby will be.
The brunette says - when we were trying to concieve I was on top
each time and my husband pulled back when he came and since male
sperm swim faster we figured if they have to swim uphill and
farther then we would have a better chance at having a boy.
The redhead added - when we were trying to concieve I was on the
bottom and my husband was deep inside me when he came giving the
female sperm a better chance so I think we are going to have a
girl
The blonde was in tears after hearing their explanations and they
asked her what was wrong. She said sobbing - I'm going to have
puppies.
9. A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about their
daughters. The redhead says, " I was going through my daughters
drawers, and I found a bottle of beer. I can't believe my
daughter drinks."
Then the brunette says, " well I was cleaning my daughters room,
and I found a pack of cigarettes. I can't believe my daughter
smokes."
Then the blonde says, " I was making my daughters bed, and I
found a condom. I can't believe my daughter has a pen*s.
10. A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long
flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if
she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take
a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to
catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game
is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a
question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and
vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some
sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you
don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the
answer, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a
blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the
blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to
this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the
earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to
her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the
lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What
goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his
laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the
Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of
Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and
friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes
the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500
and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde
and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the
blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back
to sleep.
