Approaching Women-Part I
Most men will agree that approaching a woman is probably one of the most stressful things they have to do. The reason they find it so difficult is that they fear being rejected. This fear is so strong that it causes men to behave in very abnormal ways, such as stuttering like never before or engaging in completely irrational behavior.
For example, I was once standing at a bar when a man leaned over and said: "Whew, would you look at that sexy woman. Hmm, I'd sure like to get into her panties." So I told the guy to go talk to her. But he insisted on having a couple of drinks before moving in on his target.
An hour later, the fellow was still at the bar looking her way. The nice thing was that she too was looking his way and maintaining his gaze. At one point, she even smiled at him. She was giving him all the right signals and her body language was definitely inviting.
Rule 1. Don't hesitate when approaching women
Instead of encouraging him to make a move, the staring rally only motivated him to turn back toward the barmaid and order another drink. By this time, the shy fellow had become very excited due to all of the attention he was getting.
The only problem was that he had no clue how to approach this woman, coupled with the fact that he'd already had a few JD shots and five beers.
Two hours later, the woman left with a very disappointed look on her face while my new buddy was asleep on the bar. What happened? Well, the poor man was so nervous that he drank himself to sleep and never had the chance to approach her. Needless to say, because this man was clueless about the art of approaching women, he was going to spend another lonely night with his hand. Pathetic!
Prepare for all outcomes when approaching women
OK, let's get one thing straight: Unless you're Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt, you will be rejected at some point. Even The Player gets rejected once in a while. So, understand that it's normal; it's part of the dating game.
No one person can please everyone. Some women like blond men, while others like dark-haired men. Some women like chubby guys, while others like muscular dudes. Some women like tall men, while others prefer vertically challenged ones. She might even already have a boyfriend. The secret is to not take rejection personally.
You can't let the fear of rejection prevent you from approaching women. My conversion ratio is about 30%, which means that for every 10 women I meet, seven will reject me and three will speak to me.
Now you might think that 30% is pretty low, but it sure beats zero, which is the case when you don't approach any women at all. So, you've guessed it: The reason I always meet women is because I always approach at least 8 to 10 of them.
I'll admit it: Rejection is not easy to digest, but there are a couple of steps you can take before approaching women to measure the probability of success. I won't approach a woman unless I know that my chances of being rejected are low. This is why I have a conversion ratio of 30%.
Many of the men who actually have the courage to approach women do it blindly and without any observation. This means that their conversion ratio is very low, which is bad for the ego. Before approaching a woman, I recommend observing two key factors: body language and flirting.
How can you measure these variables?
Gauge her body language
Before making any moves, I like to observe her body language to see if she is interested in me. If she makes frequent eye contact, smiles a lot, plays with her hair, and fidgets with her clothes or her jewelry, I can be pretty certain that she's not going to reject me outright.
Rule2. Create opportunity through flirting
Flirting is an excellent way to confirm what her body language is telling you. In return, flirting is one of the ways women discover what you'll be like as a lover.
Flirting with a woman creates opportunities. It's a chance to have fun with her and build up the nerve to ask her out on a date. It can also help you find out how responsive she will be to you.
Because most women respond to emotion, your goal in flirting is to make her feel happy so that she associates you with "happy" feelings. This is known as "anchoring," in which stimuli are connected to a certain emotion. In this case, you are the stimulus and the feeling is happiness.
The best way to flirt is to approach it in a fun or playful way. This will help her feel safe and comfortable around you, and she'll eventually drop her guard. Start out by relaxing, making eye contact and smiling -- and don't forget to say "hi."
From my experience, after introducing yourself, the best way to flirt with a stranger is to make imaginative misinterpretations in a complimentary manner.
For example, let's say that you find the salesgirl at Macy's really sexy and you want to ask her out. Instead of asking her out in a straightforward manner and risking rejection, you can flirt with her by saying: "Isn't it my lucky day, being served by the sales goddess herself."
She'll probably laugh (look for body language), and then you can finish with: "I'm so impressed with your assistance that I have to find a way to repay you. How about drinks on Wednesday?" Then wait for her answer. It's not guaranteed that she'll accept your offer, but your chances are a lot better. If she does reject you, you probably won't feel as bad because it was all a fun flirting game.
One last note about flirting: It can also be used as a screening process. It lets you get to know her and decide whether or not you want her. The last thing you want is a dangerously psycho and unstable woman who'll say: "It's so nice to have a boyfriend at last" after she sleeps with you on the first night she meets you.
You also want to avoid the other extreme case in which the woman is a cold fish and is not interested in having sex with you until the two of you are married -- or at least engaged.
the player approach
So, you found the woman you wanted to talk to. You noticed her body language and she definitely seemed interested. You flirted with her and she was very receptive. There is still a possibility that she might reject you, but you don't care -- it's part of the game and you won't take it personally.
Now how do you do it? How do you approach her, develop an interesting conversation and ask her out on a date?
